I'd Like to Play Alone, Please by Tom Segura

Author:Tom Segura [SEGURA, TOM]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Grand Central Publishing
Published: 2022-06-14T00:00:00+00:00

Serena Williams

American 1422, PBI to LAX, 10:18 a.m.

I was trying to stuff my bag in the overhead compartment. They designed those things to minimize the amount of stuff you can bring on board with you. Why? They want you to check that bag, because if you check that bag, you pay and they win. I ain’t havin’ that shit. I. Stuff. That. Bag. Every time.

Just as I was getting the bag with all my shit into the compartment that didn’t want it I heard, “Excuse me,” very politely said.

I turned, saw the woman standing outside the row I was in, and I immediately said, “You’re the greatest.”

I said that because I was looking at Serena Williams aka the greatest. I don’t think I’d ever been as starstruck.

As we took off I couldn’t help myself. I made small talk. “I can’t believe I’m sitting next to you.”

“Well, you are.” She was fun and clearly not taking herself too seriously. I asked if she lived in LA, and she told me she was only visiting because Florida was her primary home. Once we were at cruising altitude she opened her laptop and began taking notes. Lots of notes in a pad. After a while I asked what she was doing.

“School.”

“School? You’re in school?”

“Yeahhh. I’m taking classes.”

It never occurred to me that a superstar athlete might want to further their education, but at that moment I thought, Oh yeah, you can keep learning even when you’re successful. Cool.

We ended up talking a good while before she asked what I did. This is, of course, the norm on flights. People always ask what you do, and it doesn’t take long for comedians to realize that it’s not a good idea to tell strangers you’re a comedian. If you don’t know why, imagine how you would react if the person sitting next to you said that they were a comedian. You’re probably not done asking questions, right? When you’re first starting out it’s kind of cool to tell people. I mean you’re new to it too. It’s affirmation that you’re actually doing it, for real. It doesn’t take long for you to put together that if you tell people you work in comedy, they’re going to talk to you for the rest of the flight. And they’re going to have a lot to say. I’ve heard every type of question and comment from all types.

Comedy? I love comedy! You know, people say I’m pretty funny.

What kind of comedy do you do? Tell me a joke. Do you curse?

Are you on Saturday Night Live? I love SNL. Kristen Wiig was my favorite. Do you watch it?

Who are your favorite comics? What’s your style like? Have you seen this thing in the news with Syria? How would you joke about that?

Oops, I spilled on myself. I guess that’s going in your act, huh?

Yeah, I can’t wait to get to the stage tonight to tell them how you spilled coffee on your pants.

Most working comedians develop a reflex for dismissing any notion they’re a comedian on flights.

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